Putting Me On Ice

As I have mentioned before, we weren’t a soda and apps family growing up. However, on those blue moon occasions when my parents did allow me to order a soda at a restaurant, I usually made one request of our server…

No ice, please.

I would always order my soft drinks sans ice for a main overarching reason: it just got in the way. Ice would clink on my teeth if I didn’t have a straw and it would water down the soda. And of course that water wasn’t living rent free in the glass—prior to its liquid form, it was taking up space in the form of ice.

Even as a 9-year-old kid, I knew that more ice equaled less soda.

When I would make these requests as a kid, the server at the restaurant or the attendant at the theater concession stand had no issue accommodating it. Soda itself was inexpensive and refills were mostly free, so who cares if some boy was asking for an extra ounce of product by asking for no ice?

The same laissez faire attitude does not exist in present day coffee culture at stands in Spokane. Many coffee empires in the Inland Northwest, including the stand just a minute from our house, will charge extra for what it calls light ice.

Yep, ask the barista to give you less of something and they will make you pay more for it.

This lotus drink has a proper amount of ice. However, many stands now fill your cup more than halfway with ice.

The customer vs. coffee house conflict is obvious: Many coffee stands scoop so much ice into a 20 oz. cup that probably only 12 oz. of the actual beverage is poured. Most customers recognize this and reasonably try to maximize the amount of actual product they receive for their $7.49 drink by asking for light ice.

But that is going to ruffle the feathers of the barista because she is trained to scoop a specific amount of ice. Costs and expenses are closely monitored and the coffee stands know that if they slack on ice, the profit margin on that drink is going to decrease. The stands will begrudgingly grant your ice request if you pay an upcharge but don’t expect to upend their very efficient and scientific way of making drinks for free. At that point you are messing with their bottom line.

So I definitely see this dilemma from both perspectives. But since I am a customer and not a barista, you probably know which side I am on.

This drink simply has too much ice.

I could get technical and say if a drink is advertised at a specific price, the price per ounce value should be honored. Take my 20 oz. drink for $7.49 example. That equates to about 37 cents per ounce. A customer should theoretically be able to object if the true cost per ounce is actually 64 cents because half the cup (or more) is filled with ice.

But I prefer to just use a blunter point of reason: the quantity of ice added to drinks at coffee houses is starting to get out of control (don’t get my wife started). In my example above, cups filled with 50% ice is actually being generous. More often than not, they are packed with an even greater percentage of ice depending on which stand you visit.

My belief is that these businesses should just be upfront with how much ice they are giving you and how many fluid ounces of product you are actually being served. That would then provide the customer with a better frame of reference on whether the drink purchase is actually worth it in the first place, let alone if they dare pay extra for “light ice.”

Or perhaps coffee stands should just put less ice into drinks to begin with.

I love the coffee stand right by our house…the baristas are awesome and the drinks taste good. However, the ice issue is making me feel a bit cold. Don’t Blink.

Coffee Land

A quirk of the Pacific Northwest is that the streets of our region are lined with drive-thru coffee stands. If you need your caffeine fix, you need not drive more than 100 yards to find an aesthetically-pleasing, “cute” hut-like structure to satisfy your coffee dreams.

Although I am not a java drinker by any means, I am quite familiar with drive-thru coffee stands. Having a wife who is frequently in the mood for a white chocolate mocha will make you well-acquainted.

Tonight I thought I would share with you some of the eccentricities of these stands. I am well aware that National Coffee Day is tomorrow but who plans such a grandiose day on a Thursday? Don’t they know I write my rundown on that day? So excuse me for jumping the gun a day early, but here is my #NationalCoffeeDay post…

Shotzy’s is a Spokane Valley coffee stand that we visit frequently.

Every driver for themselves. Apparently the million coffee stands that already exist in our state aren’t enough. Go to any stand right before 8 a.m. or slightly after 5 p.m. and you will encounter a line even more intense than one at the grand opening of a new Chick-fil-A restaurant.

Free smells. Even for a non-coffee drinker like myself, the headache of waiting in line forever is lessened just a bit by the fresh smell of brew permeating from the stand. Roll those windows down!

Card club. If your coffee stand doesn’t have a punch card, is it even a coffee stand? If you live in Spokane, then nope. You should see the different colors, textures, and designs of all the different cards from various stands we have in our front stowage. People who want to save the trees would be appalled.

$$$. An additional way these places are all the same are the prices. Inflation gave the stands justification for another price hike and it’s a little paiful. Pretty much any 16 oz. drink will cost you north of $5.

The name game. Higher Ground. Brews Bros. Bean Me Up. Shotzy’s. These are all the coffee-inspired names of our favorite local stands. While these are all creative, I appreciate the name of the business that used its location in town for an especially unique moniker—Bigelow Gulp.

Do it for the gram. All of these stands are on Instagram and it is a cutthroat competition to see who can photograph the prettiest cup of coffee, which baristas can radiate the most spunk in their selfies, and what dog hanging out the driver’s seat window can generate the most likes.

Speaking of spunk. I would say that although a lot of the coffee stands are similar in many ways, these businesses differentiate themselves with their baristas. Some are super happy, some are sassy, some are reserved. Different stands carry different vibes.

Tip please. I pay with a card pretty much every time I visit a coffee stand. Half of them will shove a tablet in my face to leave a tip and the other half will just return my card to me. After paying $5.75 for 16 oz. of coffee, I prefer the latter gesture.

Coffee and more. Many of these businesses are transforming from coffee stands to restaurants—or at least bakeries. I have watched the menus of many places we frequent expand to include pastries, breakfast sandwiches, stuffed bagels, gourmet cookies, and much more. From cheers to Bon Appetit.

It’s about the kids. Kudos to the coffee stands who keep a cup of Dum Dum suckers at the window to give Sloan and Beau when they are riding with me. Congratulations, you legitimately increased your chances of me stopping at your stand if the wife calls and asks me to bring her a coffee home.

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Hope everyone is able to get their favorite cup of coffee tomorrow…except for me, because I don’t drink coffee. Thanks to everyone in the business who keeps this city so well-caffeinated. Don’t Blink.