Tag Archives: The Bachelorette

Blind Date

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I am not crazy about reality TV. With the exception of “Big Brother,” most of what I begrudgingly see is whatever Sidney might be watching on a given night.

I especially avoid the romance shows. Although I interviewed a “Bachelorette” contestant nine years ago, I am not a fan of that franchise or other shows such as “Love Island,” “90 Day Fiance,” “Love Is Blind,” “Married at First Sight,” and so on and so on and so on…

I interviewed Bryden Vukasin from “The Bachelorette” during the summer of 2013.

My thought is that these programs are 90% scripted and cheapen relationships, especially marriage. Many are brutal to watch, just complete train wrecks. Cringeworthy to the max. With all that said, there is one reality TV/romance show that I kind of like…

I have almost made it through all 45 episodes of the modern iteration of “Blind Date” available on Hulu. It is an update of the original series that ran in the early 2000s that, yes, I watched as well. The newer version is made for modern times in a digital world.

I enjoy watching “Blind Date.”

Sidney has woken up more than once in the wee hours of the morning to me watching “Blind Date.” It has become a little addicting. The concept is simple. Each episode is cut into two halves, with each half following two people on a blind date. The formula is down to a science: the matched couple will do some type of activity (more on this in one moment), move on to dinner/drinks, and then usually take a dip in a pool.

What is the appeal for me? It is just so raw. There is editing in the sense that there are stupid air bubbles and narrator commentary, but beyond that the daters are left to their own devices. They are brought together, the date begins, and then BOOM…

I just enjoy watching the human interaction and gamesmanship that transpires over the course of the date. Observing how people react in awkward situations is interesting to me. Dating can be so weird and unpredictable and with “Blind Date” you really get a front row seat of one of life’s most scrutinized social interactions. You can almost see the gears shifting in the minds of the daters.

Again, I like “Blind Date” because it actually encompasses the “real” of reality TV. You aren’t witnessing a glitzy production. Heck, portions of the show are actually shot with the phones of the daters. Most of the dates don’t work out and there is nothing too over-the-top that makes you say come on.

The only unbelievable part of the show is the notion that the producers are trying to offer fun date activities. I get it that they probably want to offer unique options, but at this point they are grasping for straws. Going break dancing or feeding farm animals aren’t the best/conducive ideas.

Other than that, the show is pretty entertaining. The dialogue, social miscues, strategizing, and the courage of the people on the show can be fascinating. But the absolute best part of the show? It reinforces how happy I am to be married. Don’t Blink.

Reality TV Three Years Later

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Exactly three years ago, I wrote a blog post that detailed the experiences of Bryden Vukasin, a former cast member on “The Bachelorette.” The night before I published that particular entry I sat down with Bryden to pick his brain at a now defunct restaurant/bar in Missoula, Montana. He graciously answered every question I had about his experience with stardom in the world of reality TV. Our conversation opened my eyes to the fact that many of these programs rely both on authentic and  rehearsed components.

I published my blog post about Bryden Vukasin exactly three years ago on January 7, 2014.

I published my blog post about Bryden Vukasin exactly three years ago on January 7, 2014.

This morning I asked myself this question: After three years, has reality television improved when it comes to delivering “reality”? I wanted to write a blog post taking one side or the other, either asserting that the genre has improved in portraying a genuine experience or vehemently arguing that it has gone completely downhill in serving viewers a load of scripted crap. However, after going back and forth I reached the conclusion that reality TV has not shifted either way.

Bryden Vukasin and I during the summer of 2013.

Bryden Vukasin and I during the summer of 2013.

I believe that reality TV can be categorized in two separate camps:
1. The shows that are centered around a competition and don’t need actors or a predetermined script to skew reality.
2. The shows that revolve around a family, business, moral ground, theme, or a makeover that needs an extra shot of energy to make it interesting to viewers.

Shows in my first group include “The Bachelorette,” “Big Brother,” “The Apprentice,” and “Survivor.” These programs pick casts comprised of competitive, motivated, successful people. They then bait these individuals with a significant prize, whether it be money or a potential spouse. The recipe of above average people battling it out for a grand prize makes for television that doesn’t need significant scripting. Rather, it just needs the type of touching up that Bryden explained such as recreating events or editing scenes for optimal suspense (such as the rose ceremonies).

When it comes to shows in the second group, we are looking at programming such as “The Kardashians,” “The Jersey Shore,” “Bar Rescue,” “Vanderpump Rules,” “The Real Housewives,” and many, many more. Producers have to constantly bring in outside talent and introduce unlikely events to make these episodes entertaining. But make no mistake about it, when it comes to generating viewers, this formula works. The thing is, I don’t think many of us who watch these shows have wool over our eyes. It doesn’t take an interview with a “Bar Rescue” cast member to know that the show is fake. As reasonable beings, we can all identify that shows such as “The Kardashians” aren’t based on reality. However, just because the name of the genre might be deceptive does not mean we can’t enjoy it.

Even though we know that many of these shows skew reality, it doesn't mean we stop watching them or liking them. Sidney and I once went on a road trip where we visited three different bars that were featured on "Bar Rescue." This image is of Sidney and I in front of the tank at Klick's 22.

Even though we know that many of these shows skew reality, it doesn’t mean we stop watching them or liking them. Sidney and I once went on a road trip where we visited three different bars that were featured on “Bar Rescue.” This image is of Sidney and I in front of the tank at Klick’s 22.

Reality TV over the past three years has changed much less than it had the three years prior. People who work in TV are smart and know what works. By 2014, the reality show formula was down to a science. If it isn’t broke, why fix it?  Look for the reality TV landscape in 2020 to look very similar to that of 2014 and 2017. Don’t Blink.

Sitting Down with Bryden from “The Bachelorette”

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Bryden Vukasin is so much more than a reality TV star. He is a decorated member of our military. He is a semi-pro football player. He is University of Montana student. He is a son, brother, and boyfriend. Most apparent though when you meet him, he is one of the nicest and most genuine guys you will ever meet.

I met Bryden through his girlfriend Becky Weidow last May. While attending Becky’s graduation party she introduced me to Bryden who at the time was fresh off from shooting “The Bachelorette”. I had a nice conversation with him and throughout the summer we saw each other a couple more times. Not wanting to be “that guy” I didn’t grill him about his new fame. However, with 2014 now upon us and some nine months removed from the show, I asked Bryden if he would mind chatting with me about his experience on America’s most popular reality show franchise. Without hesitation he decided to humor me and accept my request. Yesterday evening he graciously allowed me to ask him anything I wanted.

Last night Bryden Vukasin graciously let me ask him anything I wanted.

Last night Bryden Vukasin graciously let me ask him anything I wanted.

Why He Left The Show

Let’s just start with the most controversial part of Bryden’s time on “The Bachelorette” when he left the show. If you search blogs and message boards you will find speculation about why he left, with many theories pointing to his relationship with Becky, but the truth was that he just didn’t have a truly special connection with Des. Even though Bryden says “she liked me a lot” the feelings were not reciprocal. Adding to his decision to leave the mansion, he was tired.

“While the first night is exciting, as time goes on it all kind of sucks you down. The drama associated with living with a bunch of guys and competing for one girl wears on you,” Bryden told me.

It is true that Bryden and Becky knew each other and started to hang out before the show. The two met at the University Center on the University of Montana campus in the commons area. But when Bryden got word that he would be on the show and only had three weeks until shooting started, he didn’t hesitate to seize the opportunity. The two decided to let things play out and if things were salvageable when he returned they would go from there.

Behind The Scenes

I made sure to satisfy the curiosity I have always had about what happens behind the scenes of these types of shows during downtime. According to Bryden, there was a lot of it. He did his best to fight off boredom throughout his entire time on the show. Many people don’t realize that although they get to live in a luxurious mansion, they are confined to it as well. Eventually it starts to feel as if the walls are starting to close in. “Many mornings were spent at the pool,” Bryden explains. But other than that, when he wasn’t in front of the camera there just wasn’t much to do. They didn’t have access to their phones, the internet, or music. Even more maddening, the mansion has no gym facility so the guys were left to do their own type of jailhouse workout. “Lots of sit ups, push ups, and running,” Bryden described as his workout regimen. One of the very few times he got to leave the premises was when the show producers took him and a few of the other cast members not included in one of the dates out to sushi. Besides the unordinary $400 dinner tab they ran up, doing a seemingly ordinary thing such as going out to eat was a very refreshing and rare occurrence.

The cast members were always encouraged to loosen up though. Bryden noted that throughout the mansion you could find “drawers full of liquor” with every type of choice you could imagine. While he primarily didn’t go overboard while on the show, there was one exception. The night before he was to tell Des that he wanted to leave the show, he got the urge to tell her right then. One of the show’s producers, adamantly against Bryden’s desire for spontaneity, drove his attention to one of those liquor drawers. The two went shot for shot until Bryden’s desire to break the news to Des was suppressed.

Bryden is one of the nicest guys you will meet.

Bryden is one of the nicest guys you will meet.

Authenticity of the Show

Many people from the outside looking in, including myself, wonder how authentic shows like “The Bachelorette” are. When it comes to probably the most important part such as the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the cast members, Bryden says most of what you see is the real deal. So rest assured, the heart and soul of “The Bachelor” franchise is very much genuine. But don’t hold your breath if you think scenes in the show aren’t rehearsed. When the cast traveled to Atlantic City, Bryden told me that they re-shot the scene of the guys walking into the hotel four different times. The rose ceremonies, which typically had around 40 crew members huddled around the set, were typically manipulated and reconfigured based on what could generate the most excitement and suspense. Like during one ceremony Bryden was presented with the second to last rose but when it aired it had him receiving the last rose. Reaction shots are also redone frequently. For example, when Chris Harrison notified the cast that they would be traveling to Germany, they re-shot the reaction of the guys smiling and getting excited until the crew had what they wanted.

“I heard they have like a 30 person editing crew” Bryden mentioned about the show. That would surely explain how conversations are routinely taken out of context and moved around to twist the dialogue and portray themes that the producers are gunning for, as Bryden alerted me to. But don’t think those producers are all about trickery and deceit. Bryden was very complimentary of many of them who worked on his show. He said that they would give out honest advice before different shooting scenes to various cast members that would make them look better once the show aired if they heeded it. But of course, the producers always encouraged the extreme. They wouldn’t think twice about telling cast members to say and do crazy things. One producer pleaded with Bryden to bring his dog on the show. He nixed that idea.

Becky took this picture of us during this past summer.

Becky took this picture of us during this past summer.

The Aftermath

Bryden told me that besides a couple tweets sent her way, he is no longer in contact with Des. The exact opposite can be said about his fellow competitors. Bryden keeps in touch with many of the contestants from season 9. While I did say earlier that Bryden partly left the show because of the drama of competing against a bunch of guys for one girl, the friendships he developed with them overshadowed the natural showmanship that occurs on these shows. When “The Bachelor” premiered on Monday night he chatted on the phone with his good friend Juan Pablo, who will have his pick of bachelorettes this season. Bryden designates James and Kasey as his favorite cast members.

The aftermath he experienced once back at home probably won’t surprise you much. Of course, Becky had lots of questions. When the show started to air, the attention he received when going out was intense, so much so that when he entered a bar near pandemonium would break out. Drunk girls would stumble up to him and ask naïve questions about the show. Everyone would have their phones out and everyone would want a picture. Although the freak out sessions by the Missoula community has toned down a few notches in the past several months, it is still hard for him to totally shed from the minds of college girls and reality TV junkies the almost dream-like role he played in the living rooms of millions:

“I still get recognized pretty much everywhere I go,” Bryden shyly admits.

Was It Worth It?

When it comes down to it, Bryden doesn’t hesitate when I ask him if it was worth doing the show: “Absolutely. I got to go to awesome places and meet awesome people. It was the opportunity of a lifetime.”

Bryden would do another reality show and he would utilize the same philosophy he took with him on “The Bachelorette”:

“You can’t pretend to be someone else, you just got to be yourself. If you aren’t, the truth will eventually come out.”

It should come as no surprise then that Bryden has few complaints about how he was portrayed on the show. The “timid, small town” persona they tagged him with while not entirely 100% accurate could have been worse. All in all, the Bryden you saw on your screens during season 9 of “The Bachelorette” was the Bryden I sat down with for dinner last night.

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Bryden Vukasin seemingly has it made. He has the experience of a lifetime in his back pocket. He has a promising military career. He has a beautiful girlfriend. He has over 10,000 Twitter followers. He has connections all over world. He has more different talents than most of us can ever dream of possessing.

But Bryden isn’t satisfied yet.

From our conversation last evening, I learned that he still has ambitious goals. I am talking stuff past the amazing things he has already done. Without hesitation, I will put all my money down on him achieving them. Thank you Bryden for your time, it was a pleasure. Don’t Blink.

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Bonus Notes:

* Bryden auditioned for the show at the Sunrise Saloon in Missoula, Montana.

* He estimates that he was onset of “The Bachelorette” for three and a half weeks.

* Wearing clothes with logos was strictly forbidden. Crew members had to remove labels from every product in the mansion.

* There would typically be 2-3 camera people in each room.

* While shooting the show, Bryden saw Chris Harrison about as much as we see him on TV. He was not around much (and if he was, he was out of eyesight of the cast).

* I asked what the main difference is from a season 9 contestant and a typical Missoula guy…he said it is just culture. Most of the guys on the show hold national corporate jobs. Some of them dress in a way that looks like they just walked out of a GQ magazine.

* When the first episode aired, Bryden viewed the show at a friend’s house where a big party was held in his honor. He watched subsequent shows at his mom’s place.

* Speaking of Bryden’s mom, his whole family was very supportive of his reality TV stardom.

* At the other end of the spectrum, Bryden’s military friends pretty much just make fun of him for it.

* Besides “The Bachelor”/”The Bachelorette”, Bryden’s favorite reality show is “The Amazing Race”.

* His least favorite reality show is either “Jersey Shore” or the “Real World”.

* Although strongly discouraged and rarely allowed, if a cast member went as far as a couple feet off the mansion premises or off the hotel property (such as to smoke or just get some fresh air), a member of the crew would have to go with him.

* Bryden and his fellow cast members frequently played Cards Against Humanity to pass the time. They reached a point where they just started to make their own cards.

* I mentioned that Bryden plays semi-pro football. He played the last two seasons for the Missoula Phoenix. Because the Phoenix recently folded, he is looking for a new team.

* Make sure to follow Bryden on Twitter: @BrydenVukasin