This morning I read a very interesting argument. Pam Stone, a syndicated newspaper columnist, might be the Scrooge of commercialized Easter traditions. However, I think maybe every now and then we need a little holiday buzz kill if the proposition is legitimate.

Stone’s advice for shopping malls across America is this: Get rid of the Easter Bunny.

After finding the mascot of Americanized Easter celebrations creepy, out of place, and cheesy, the final straw came recently. News came out that a company that specializes in contracting out Easter Bunnies to malls (yes, apparently these exist) placed a sex offender in a shopping center here in the South. This disturbing image of a pervert in an awkward, strange cartoon rabbit outfit pushed her over the edge. Get these weird costumed goons out of American culture, Stone urged.

Easter Bunnies are just odd.

I will say this: I don’t think I have ever seen a “classy” looking Easter Bunny. Honestly, I don’t think I have ever seen an Easter Bunny that wasn’t hideous. But in my opinion, that is the fun part! In my experience, it seems like no two Easter Bunnies are the same. You go into any mall or to any Easter Egg hunt and the mutated rabbit is going to have its own original take on the word bizarre. If I don’t say to myself “Oh My!” when I see a giant bunny sitting in a throne, something isn’t right.

Most Easter Bunnies look like they are carrying diseases.

I enjoy laughing at the various ways costume designers try to make an Easter Bunny look “natural”, “cute”, or “appropriate”. It is the definition of putting lipstick on a pig. It just isn’t possible. But what I found even more funny (and sad) was the scene I witnessed last night. On Easter Eve when Sidney and I walked through Coastal Grand Mall a mere 30 minutes before closing there was a line of 20 adults with their kids waiting for last minute photos with the Creeper Bunny. Why?

Creating a “cute’ Easter Bunny is impossible.

I don’t feel strongly enough to banish the Easter Bunny. I get that some parents have traditions that involve their kids and the furry disaster. I also realize that children receive joy out of meeting the Easter Bunny and receiving whatever coloring book or fake ring that it hands out. But come on, can’t we all agree that these things belong more in our nightmares instead of shopping malls? Don’t Blink.