I had the debut of “Unfrosted” circled on my calendar for a month. I bugged Sidney to clear her Friday evening so we could watch it on premiere night. I took up time in a Zoom meeting to tell some colleagues that they needed to be as excited as me about the film. Basically, I was all-in for Jerry Seinfeld’s movie about the origin of Pop-Tarts.

“Unfrosted” is a dive into complete absurdity.

Did it live up to expectations? Did a movie about Pop-Tarts resonate with a nerdy blogger who is semi-obsessed with the toaster pastry?

Well, if I was looking for a film determined to reach new heights of absurdity then this film would have crushed my expectations. Don’t get me wrong, I love myself some ridiculousness but the sheer craziness and tomfoolery of “Unfrosted” even crossed a line for me.

Here’s the thing: I think “Unfrosted” flirted the line between being too funny and trying too hard. Wait, you are critiquing a movie for being too funny? Believe it or not, I have raised this issue before. Way back in 2016 I mentioned how “Fuller House” wore me out because that first episode was just joke after joke after joke. It gets to the point of being overwhelming. I think there is an art to telling a joke, letting it marinate for a bit, and then returning with another well-placed joke. In “Unfrosted,” I feel the joke pace was just too fast.

Seinfeld was relentless on the pace of the jokes. It was a little “much” for me.

I found myself a little caught off guard by the narrative spun in “Unfrosted.” I wasn’t expecting a drama that followed the true story to a “T” of how Pop-Tarts were invented. I prepared myself for a healthy dose of embellishment and satire…perhaps in similar vein to “Flamin’ Hot” which I reviewed almost a year ago. What I didn’t foresee was a complete fantasy tale of hijinks and impossibility. The fact that nothing in that movie honored the true spirit of the conception of Pop-Tarts was disappointing.

But look, I don’t want to go on and on about the finer points of “Unfrosted.” To be honest, I don’t think the film deserves a lot of my time and that is really saying something because people often tell me that I must have a lot of it. All I can convey to you is that this movie is ABSURD (have I told you that yet? 😉). Let me just leave you with the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Good – The joke that is based on the title of the movie is saved for the very end. I give Seinfeld points for his patience. The quip actually made me laugh pretty hard but I still don’t know if it was a genuine laugh or a “SMH this movie is finally over” relieved type of laugh.

Bad – This movie is simply all over the place. Quite simply a train wreck with so many side plots and unnecessary gags. One ploy that seemed especially unhelpful was the decision to introduce a “dream team” of pop culture icons from the 1960s to help produce a superior toaster pastry. This squad included Chef Boyardee, Jack LaLanne, and Tom Carvel. It was so random and distracting. Perhaps the most annoying/least funny product of these characters was the living sea monkey ravioli that was nothing short of problematic and stupid.

Ugly – Oh man, have I mentioned yet that this movie is OUTRAGEOUS? Just wait until you see the funeral scene. Yes, I will admit that I laughed, but it was U-G-L-Y. The jokes, the imagery, the audacity…it is something that you have to see to believe. If you truly want a WTF moment, watch the flippin’ funeral scene.

The funeral scene in “Unfrosted” is something else.

You want to know how I planned to judge this movie? I was going to grade it a success if I was inspired to open my pantry and grab a Pop-Tart upon finishing it. Well, guess what? I haven’t eaten one of those things since watching “Unfrosted.” Don’t Blink.

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