Condescending Wonka: Wisdom to Live By

Over the past six months or so, the Willy Wonka memes have taken over Facebook and the internet. I am sure you have all seen what I am talking about…there is a picture of Willy Wonka (from the old movie in 1971, not Johnny Depp) leaning his head on his hand decked out in his candy man costume with a creepy smile that would scare any parent with young kids. In the picture there is text at the top that says something that usually starts with “Oh, so you…….” and then at the bottom there is a sarcastic punch line. The jokes are a play on the real personality of Willy Wonka in the actual movie but usually make fun of present social norms. Many of them are really funny.

Unfortunately for me, I hate seeing these things pop up on Facebook because Willy Wonka (the one from the 70’s) just makes me a little queasy. I think the whole movie is really weird and let’s face it, seeing some creepy guy in an over-the-top purple suit is not what I want to see on my Facebook news feed…please give me more of my hot lady friends in their bikinis.
So to keep the humor but to resist the urge to click on the hideous image of Wonka, this past weekend I started following Condescending Wonka (@OhWonka) on Twitter. It is already one of my favorite accounts to follow. In fact, I retweeted three of the Condescending Wonka’s brilliant pieces of sarcastic wisdom over the weekend. For tonight’s blog post I would like to share with you the three tweets that I retweeted and offer some quick commentary on them. Oh Wonka, you crack me up!:
1. “Oh, you replied to my text with the letter “K”…you must like talking about Potassium.”
Nothing is more annoying or standoffish than the “K” text.  Lazy, disrespectful, and unoriginal are great ways to describe it. Yes, I have used it before. I rarely pull the “K” card but when I do it is usually because I am frustrated and I want to say the least possible because if I let loose I might text something that I regret. But some people use it way too much and will then even get angry at others when they use it. I “K’d” a person the other day and that person responded with “don’t  ever ‘k’ me.” I reminded the person that she had used it on me first. Not believing me,  I was able to just go back in our chat conversation (thank goodness for iphones!) and screen capture a couple days earlier when this person used “k” and sent it right back…sweet redemption!

But honestly, using “K” in texts is bush league. Have the respect for the other person to at least give them an “okay.” At the bare minimum, double up and give your text recipient a “kk.” If you do decide to do the unthinkable, at least have the decency to give the person a capital K with a period at the end (i.e. “K.”). Using “k” is just a slap in the face.

2. “Let’s have a round of applause for the heroes that save all the cancer-ridden children by liking and sharing those Facebook statuses.”
This one speaks so much truth. If there is one thing that pushes me away from Facebook more than anything else, it is the copied status updates addressing some disease or natural disaster. In my opinion, the people who share and like these updates are doing more to spurn the problem than solve it. These clueless people probably think that instead of actually getting away from their computer and donating money to cancer research/relief efforts or actually going out in the community and visiting sick people, they are doing their part by clicking the“like” button or copying and pasting something as their status. Asinine.
First off, all of those statuses that say something along the lines of “post this as your status and $5 will be donated to cancer research” are complete scams. Secondly, how self-serving and arrogant is it to do something like that? Let’s be honest here, many people do it to portray themselves in a positive light. It is like the people who decide to give something up for lent and then broadcast it all over social media or decide to tell all their friends. Do things for the right reasons, not for praise from others.
3. Oh, you’re jamming to the latest popular song on your iPod? Please, join the countless others in tweeting the same lyrics.”
This one made me laugh the most because I am so guilty of it! Thanks Condescending Wonka for putting me in my place. Sometimes it is just so hard not to tweet lyrics though! I will be driving in my car to work in the morning and a great country song will come on and motivate me for the day ahead and I just can’t resist but to share it with my followers (follow me @BrentR7). When you have over 11,400 tweets you have to have something to fill the content, right?

It is cliché and unoriginal so perhaps I should try to cut back a little bit. What I think Wonka should have done though is call out the people who tweet lyrics and butcher them. Nothing is more annoying than incorrectly tweeting lyrics, in fact, it should result in the loss of Twitter privileges.


Thank you Condescending Wonka for bringing a little bit of humor and sarcasm into my life. Don’t get too comfortable around me though, I can tolerate reading your tweets but please save me the eye sore and get the hell off of my news feed. Don’t Blink.

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