Sloan’s Scathing Insults

With Sloan turning 4 next month, she has reached the age where she understands what an insult is. In the same vein, she is now “mature enough” to properly string one together, even if it is at a very elementary level. Tonight I thought it would be fun to reveal Sloan’s three go-to burns she is using at this point in her very young life.

Sloan knows how to hurl an insult. Do they always make sense? No. Are they always mean? Yes!

You’re Boring! – If Sloan really wants to cut deep, the insult she will hurl is “you’re boring.” Does she use it literally? Of course not! She won’t tell me I am boring if I am sitting on the couch and won’t play with her. Rather, she will say it if I ask her to eat her dinner. Or if I tell her to stop being mean to her brother. Or if I wish her good morning (seriously). “You’re boring” doesn’t mean I am dull or unimaginative—it means that basically I am a jerk.

Stupid – Every now and then she will reach for the six-letter “s” word. Kind of an ugly thing to say coming from a 3-year-old, I really fear her using it out in public. Although coming from Sloan it isn’t a shot at someone’s intelligence—rather just a repeat of what her favorite YouTube celebrities are saying—not everyone will take it that way. I think she sees the reaction of Sidney and I when she says it and that might egg her on a bit. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t mind if she stops saying it soon.

Dumb as a Scrum – This is a true Sloan original. Sidney and I can’t pin exactly how she invented this gem of a rhyme, but I do have an idea. Sometimes I will describe an inebriated person as “drunk as a skunk” and I think she picked up on it and added her own customization. She applies it correctly, or at least how I believe it should be applied, given the situation. For example, if a video shows up on YouTube that she doesn’t like or if one of her tablet games isn’t to her liking, she is reaching to her back pocket to describe it as “dumb as a scrum.” Hope there aren’t any rugby fans reading this.

Sloan certainly isn’t perfect and can say some hurtful things. We are working on it.

Fear not, Sloan still liberally uses phrases like “I love you” and “thank you” but she does have a bit of a toddler potty mouth on her. As long as it doesn’t graduate to an adult potty mouth, we should be fine during these early years. Being called “boring” hurts, but I guess it could be a lot worse. Don’t Blink.

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