Things in Life I Know Absolutely Nothing About

A tweet was brought to my attention that I published on this date four years ago. Without referencing my journals, I have no idea the context that surrounded my need to tweet out this statement of honesty and desperation…

Four years ago on this date, I felt the need to tweet this.

Sadly, 1,460 days since I so eloquently shared the above sentiment with my followers, I can’t say that it still doesn’t ring true today. There are some areas of knowledge and skill that I am absolutely worthless at. Surely, if my wife is reading this, she is saying to herself some?  I can get a little discouraged at my shortcomings and other times I can bring myself to write about them. I feel more like the latter tonight.

Keep in mind that a man who doesn’t want to portray himself as a complete bonehead will write a post like this with caution. I could go with a laundry list but I will keep a shred or two of dignity and opt for three embarrassing deficiencies. Not wanting to drag out this post any longer than it has to be, let’s get this over with.

Handiness – Hammers and screwdrivers are foreign instruments to me. Well, I can do remedial tasks around the house but there is no doubt that Sidney is the handy one in our marriage. If something breaks or if something needs to be assembled, Sid usually takes the first swipe at it. I have a very handy dad who showed me plenty of things, but it never stuck.

Cars – I sure am thankful for roadside assistance. I have had some unfortunate vehicle breakdowns in less than ideal places and I have escaped each one thanking God for a great insurance plan that afforded me the professional help needed to get me on my way. You won’t see me doing work under the hood or fiddling with wires. Give me credit, I can certainly drive a car and pump gas like a boss! I just won’t be passing Car Mechanics 101 any time soon.

As someone who once tried to put Everclear in my car, you could probably guess that automobiles are not my strong point.

Giving Directions – Wait, don’t you have a smart phone? That is the first thought that comes to my mind when someone asks for driving directions. Look, I thought my generation had it tough enough with Map Quest. But oral directions that require multiple turns, directional points, (north, south, etc.), and street names? Oh man, you don’t want directions from me. I am envious of people who can immediately spit out directions faster than a GPS. These are analytical and accurate individuals who will get you to your destination in no time…assuming you can follow directions. If someone asks me for help, I offer landmarks (i.e. Ummm…it is right next to the McDonalds and across the street from Food Lion).

Like I said, this is anything but an exhaustive list. However, listing just three things that “I know absolutely nothing about” is a good way to come across as humble yet not a total worthless waste of space. Thanks to Twitter memories for taking me down a peg! Don’t Blink.

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