A Dude Who Doesn’t Accessorize

A photo that stands out from this past weekend is an image of Sloan wearing a pair of sunglasses. Although I would say she looks “Hollywood,” the cool kids these days would probably say she looks chic, fly, fresh, etc.

With Sloan sporting her birthday sunglasses, I couldn’t help but think to myself she is going to love accessories just like her mommy.

Sloan sporting her new sunglasses during her birthday party.

Me on the other hand? Not so much. I wear clothes and that is pretty much it. I don’t do bling, jewelry, or flair. Unless I am purposely dressing up for a holiday, I keep it pretty basic. Let me give you my very uncomplicated history with accessories…

Sunglasses – Had to start with the accessory that started this blog post. I will occasionally wear sunglasses during the summer but here is the caveat…you will never see a pair of shades on my face that cost over $10. If I need a pair of sunglasses, I am notorious for stopping at a $5 stand on the side of the street. The most expensive shades I ever purchased was an Oakley knockoff pair in Cancun (still set me back only $10). Even if I plan to wear sunglasses, I usually forget to put them on.

I rarely wear sunglasses.

Rings – I love my wedding ring. For someone who never wore a ring before, I actually got used to it pretty quickly. With that said, my ring won’t have any company soon. Because they are small, rings are tough to keep track of and can fall off. Even though I had my wedding ring perfectly resized to snugly fit my finger, it still loosens at times depending on the weather. I don’t want another “finger decoration” that I have to fly off each time I take a shower or hit the gym.

The only ring I will wear is my wedding ring.

Watch – I have never worn a watch before. Wait, let me be more specific. I have never worn a wrist watch before. Sidney saw old home movies of me wearing a pocket watch that was attached to the loop of my jeans and she still hasn’t let me live that down. But when it comes to traditional watches, I find them way too gaudy and bulky. I don’t want the weight of a watch restricting the movements of my wrist. I also find them obsolete. We all have smart phones that remind us of the time every few seconds we whip it out. I see no practical reason to own a watch.

Hats – I will wear a hat on the weekends, usually if I am outdoors doing something active or if I leave the house to run an errand and have not showered. I make limited use of hats mostly because majority of them don’t look good on me.

Every now and then I will throw on a hat.

Necklaces – I will slip on beads from a party story but I would never wear a necklace of any value. What’s the point? They are tough to contain if you make any body movements and they irritate the back of my neck. While most watches are gaudy, most guy necklaces are dainty. It once again brings up the possibility of losing it or accidentally discarding it.

Bracelets – Wearing rubber bracelets modeled after the famous Livestrong prototype is cool in my book. I favor the concept of rubber but meaningful over silver but meaningless. However, I will only wear one at a time. As for traditional bracelets, they aren’t my thing.

Piercings/Tattoos – No and no. I know a lot of men sport an earring(s) but I wouldn’t want to put a hole in my body nor worry about taking them in and out. As for tattoos, I support them and think they look good on a lot of people. However, as a personal preference, I could not put everlasting ink on my body.

Call me a bore but I am a pretty plain dude. The most “accessorized” you will ever see me is during the summer when I might be wearing a cap and sunglasses (and of course my wedding ring). Is that bad? Don’t Blink.

Leave a Reply