More Fun With Condescending Wonka

Last month I published a post about the Condescending Wonka meme phenomenon that has overtaken the social media world and provided lots of people with funny, sarcastic commentary on everyday life. Although prominent in almost every SM network, Condescending Wonka has found no greater success than through Twitter. Basically with the 160 character format and instantaneous nature of the service, Twitter was made for parody accounts such as Wonka.

Since I last wrote on Condescending Wonka about forty days ago, the craze has just gotten bigger and bigger. While more and more duplicate accounts of the all-encompassing general Condescending Wonka theme pop up, there are now specific Twitter Wonka accounts for just about every possible subject you could think of. In addition to there being a CW account that plays off every single sport under the sun, there are also Wonka accounts that take on rock music, cooking, Las Vegas, redneck living, modeling, and more. Also, pretty much every college has a condescending account that pokes fun at the norms and traditions of life on campus. Many people say these accounts have gotten out of control and I would tend to agree a little bit but I still find them pretty funny.
For tonight’s post I am going to take five areas that either interest me or that I identify with and turn them into Condescending Wonka accounts! I am then going to give you five tweets from each of my created accounts. Without further adieu, let the comedy begin:
Condescending Blog Wonka  @BloggingWonka
Oh, you blog professionally? Who hosts your site, Blogger?
Oh, you like to blog in a way that showcases your passion? You can almost see that fire through all of your grammar and spelling errors.
Oh, your profile says that you are a dedicated blogger? Nothing attests to that more than the two posts you have written over the past seven months.
Oh, you would like to blog for a living? How noble of you, most people would die if they were forced to write a full 500 words a day.
Oh, you are an established blogger? Who is your editor, yourself?
Condescending Sports Marketing Wonka  @WonkaMarketingSports

Oh, you created a Facebook event for the upcoming game? Uh-oh, better prepare for a capacity crowd overflowing into the lobby.

Oh, your attendance numbers went up for baseball? Good thing that was all of your genius marketing plan and not the team’s undefeated season.
Oh, you played Zombie Nation at the game and the fans got into it? You are a revolutionary, that song has never been played in a stadium before.
Oh, you just became a member of NACMA? Just let the employers come to you, you should have a high-paying sports marketing job in no time.
Oh, you put on a Pink Game this year? Your originality is unlike anything this industry has ever seen.

Condescending Catholic  Wonka  @OhCatholicWonka

Oh, you just responded with “and also with you” instead of “and with your spirit”? Everyone around you can tell you are a dedicated Catholic.
Oh, you read the bulletin during the priest’s sermon? Your skills of multi-tasking and showing respect are so admirable.
Oh, you made it to mass on Easter? Consider your church obligation done for the year.
Oh, you like to recite all of the prayers and responses two seconds faster than everyone else? Looking like a dumbass must get you more points in Heaven.
Oh, you actually made it to Ash Wednesday mass? Please wear your ashes around all day and brag about everything you are giving up for lent.
Condescending Gym  Wonka  @WorkOutWonka
Oh, you talk on your cell phone at the gym? You just command respect from everyone else in the facility.
Oh, you work out on bench every single day? You inspire me with how hard you challenge yourself.
Oh, you like to grunt and yell whenever you do a set? You must just hate all the attention you get when people look over at you.
Oh, you never rack your weights when you finish at a machine? Good call, I hear that being discourteous makes your muscles grow much faster.
Condescending Bar  Wonka  @DrinkToThisWonka
Oh, you snap and whistle at the bartender to serve you? I hear that employees love being treated like animals, expect your drinks ASAP.
Oh, you stiffed the bartender after you ordered a round of drinks? Surely they will bend over backwards for you the rest of the night.
Oh, you got eighty-sixed from the bar last night and showed up again tonight?  Perseverance is key.
Oh, you like to steal bar glasses? Your courage is just so badass.
Oh, you threw up all over the bar the other night? Be sure to keep going there, you don’t remember it so the staff won’t either.

Well there you have it! Hopefully you enjoyed my Condescending Wonka proposed accounts. If you have any ones that you would like to add to these categories, I would LOVE IT if you tweeted them to me (@BrentR7) or posted them on my Facebook. These are also now fair game for someone to take and make an actual account on Twitter. Who knows, maybe it will take off! Don’t Blink.

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