News dropped last week that Lunchables will no longer be part of the USDA National School Lunch Program. Kraft Heinz faced major backlash earlier in 2024 for the questionable nutritional value of Lunchables and the brand never recovered.

I can take or leave Lunchables. They are clutch when I don’t have time to pack my kids’ lunches and I personally think they taste okay myself. But the high sodium content just doesn’t fly in school cafeterias these days.

With that said, I kind of have to laugh. Back in the day at my high school, “high sodium content” would have been the least of the USDA’s concerns.

Back in 2016, I visited Sidney for lunch at the elementary school she taught at. This meal was more nutritious than the ones I was eating 11 years earlier in high school.

We were well-fed at Mead High School. And by “well-fed” I mean we were served all the greasy, fatty foods our digestive systems could handle.

For those of us who took hot lunch, there was plenty to choose from. A specialty item was offered each day but if you weren’t feeling adventurous you could opt for the standard lineup of classics: pizza slice, pizza pocket, corn dog, hamburger, or chicken burger.

You chose whatever calorie-laden American classic you wanted and the kitchen staff placed it in a large paper serving boat. You then took your boat down the line to choose your “potato item.” This was the euphemism our school district used for whatever fried side you wanted—french fries, tater tots, hash brown wedges, etc. And when you selected your “potato item,” you weren’t going to go hungry. The staff would fill your boat with a serving size similar to the fry quantity you receive at Five Guys (I am talking filled to the brim, almost overflowing). You would then choose a piece of fruit, help yourself to whatever dessert was offered that day, and then top it off with a couple cartons of chocolate milk.

Our school also had a period mid-morning called BIP which was short for Break In Program. It was basically 10 minutes for students and staff to take a moment after second period to re-charge. It was also a time to re-fuel as well. Greasy breakfast sandwiches and giant baked cookies were top-sellers. The student store sold candy, soda, popcorn, and more. We also had a coffee shop (the Panther Perk) that offered all the sugary drinks any high school student could possibly desire.

It is incredible that my entire high school class hasn’t died from obesity.

Farewell, Lunchables. Back in my day you would have been considered a health food. Don’t Blink.