On Saturday, Darren Rovell tweeted out a picture of a pretty crazy food item at the Wisconsin State fair. It was a fried hot dog wrapped in french fries. Later that day I went to the Missoula fair and my brother purchased another obscure, high caloric food item called a tater pig. It was a sausage enclosed inside of a baked potato.

This is the infamous French Fry Hot Dog from the Wisconsin fair.

Fairs are notorious for offering off the wall, over the top, fatty foods. People at these fairs go a little crazy and usually combine popular unhealthy food items together to come up with a heart attack on a stick or a blocked artery in a boat tray. But everyone has an imagination and I am not going to anoint these fair people as food geniuses. I think pretty much all of us can sit down for a few minutes and think up some wacky food creations that would actually land on a website or get a retweet from Darren Rovell if only someone actually took the time to make it and offer it at a county fair.

Well I sat down for a few minutes and thought up some pretty outrageous food items that I would like to see offered inside one of the trailers situated in a dirt lot at the fair. Of course I am using only food items that I like to eat but I bet I can still make you salivate and/or throw up a little after you read my top five fair food creation recipes.

I am no cook but I do have some ideas!!

1. Reser Mega Quadruple Decker Peanut Butter Sandwich

Because I eat a plain peanut butter sandwich every single day for lunch I knew I had to create something that differed just a little bit from the two pieces of white bread and crunchy peanut butter sandwich I usually devour. Listen to what I got in mind…

The four pieces of bread that I would use for this sandwich would all be made into french toast. Building up, in between the first and second pieces of french toast would be a thick layer of crunchy peanut butter on one of the pieces of bread and then a thick layer of creamy peanut butter on the other piece of bread. Mixed in with all that peanut butter would be Reeses Puffs, one of the best cereals of all time. In between the second and third pieces of french toast would be the contents of a king sized Reeses Peanut Butter Cup package. That is four peanut butter cups spread out in between those pieces of bread. Then in between the third and fourth pieces of bread would be another layer of crunchy and creamy peanut butter with peanut butter M&Ms mixed in.

To finish it off, a big scoop of peanut butter ice cream would be placed on the top of the sandwich and peanut butter dessert sauce would be drizzled all over the ice cream and it would ooze down onto the sandwich itself.

2. BTR’s Atomic Corn Dog

For this one I would get the spiciest foot long jumbo hot dogs that I could find. I would then stuff them with spicy jalapeno cheese. I would then mix the beer batter with the Wild sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings. Once the batter solidified on the dog I would crust the whole corn dog with Tim’s Cascade jalapeno chips. Then taking a cooking brush, I would dip it into a big bowl of sriracha sauce and “paint” the chip outer layer with it.

I would serve the foot long, crunchy corn dog with a side of Hooter’s 911 hot sauce.

3. Brent’s Loaded, Ridiculous Burrito

I got the idea for making a gigantic burrito with random good stuff in it when my girlfriend told me she placed chicken strips in a tortilla and ate it for lunch.

For this monster I would use a fresh 14 inch tortilla. I would layer the tortilla with pizza sauce. I would then put a layer of shredded pepper jack cheese over the pizza sauce. Next I would stay true to my girlfriend’s recipe and chop up four chicken strip pieces and throw them on top of the cheese. I would then drop a quarter pound of spicy tater tots on top of everything. After that was added I would chop up a couple Oscar Meyer wieners and throw those on top. I would then layer on some mexican rice and some fajita meat. Next would come a whole bunch of nacho cheese sauce followed by shredded cheddar cheese. After doing my best to roll it up I would drench it in enchilada sauce and put ground beef on top of it.
Fork optional.

4. Don’t Blink Mac And Cheese Pizza

Now macaroni and cheese pizza is nothing new but my version would be one of a kind and knock your socks off.

This of course would be a stuffed pizza! Inside this extra large pizza would be a layer of nacho cheese sauce. On top of the nacho cheese sauce layer would be four different shredded cheeses. On top of the four shredded cheeses would be four different macaroni and cheeses!! It would contain my mom’s homemade macaroni and cheese, my girlfriend’s homemade macaroni and cheese, a box of Velveeta macaroni and cheese, and a box of white cheddar macaroni and cheese. Mixed inside with all the cheeses and the mac and cheeses would be a pound of sausage.

On top of the pizza I would drizzle some Iron Horse queso dip and more shredded cheese. I would then send it to the oven. Once the masterpiece came out I would pour a whole bunch of the gooey macaroni and cheese from Dickey’s over the top of the pizza and then serve!

5. #GoGriz Biscuits and Gravy

I love biscuits and gravy and can’t wait to share this gem with you!

Although I love homemade biscuits, for this recipe the biscuits will be replaced with three piping hot, fresh glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts. On top of the donuts would go the thickest and tastiest sausage gravy ever. Even though the gravy would contain plenty of sausage in it, more would need to be added. Three patties and three links would be cut up and thrown on top of the mountain of a breakfast. For good measure, I would also demand that a sausage biscuit from McDonalds also be brought over and chopped up and thrown on top of everything, just so I could say that I incorporated a traditional biscuit in there somehow.

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Anyone ready to take my ideas and use them at your next county fair? I didn’t think so. However, I do guarantee that someone out there would jump at the chance to eat one of the abominations that I proposed. I mean hey, there is always at least one in every crowd. Do me a favor though…if you were forced to eat one of the above recipes, which one would it be? Please tell me, I would like to know. I am guessing everyone goes with the macaroni and cheese pizza. Don’t Blink.